Staying at home, my story – Part II

Yesterday I wrote a little history about me and how I became a stay-at-home mom.  Basically the stars aligned, God’s face shone upon me and all was right with my little world.

Well, now that you have the history of how it came to be, here are some of my thoughts and feelings on staying at home.

Part of my rationale: after my kids would start school and I’d go back to work, I’d still have more than thirty years to be a working girl.  I can handle a ten-year hiatus.  Babies are babies just once.

Admittedly this is a pride thing on my part, but the thought of asking an employer for time off to take care of my own kid gives me the willies.  Really.  I understand that there are instances that *permission* is neither asked for nor granted – you just do what you need to do, but still. 

I had one of the most flexible jobs and understanding bosses, but I also had a big dose of this feeling of inadequacy while I was pregnant with my first baby.  I was so stinking sick during that pregnancy.  Like, the whole time.  I didn’t just have morning sickness, it was well beyond that and it became worse at the start of the second trimester – at the time that nausea often subsides in preggos.  It was later determined to be gallbladder disease and my gallbladder had to be removed after I continued to experience terrible symptoms after Jude was born.  I would vomit all day and get so weak that I couldn’t even exist in a vertical state.  I would have a few days like that… wondering how long I could physically go without eating while hoping my baby would be alright, and then I’d get better for a few days, only to get sick again.  I felt like such a terrible employee during that time.  I would come in to work late or not at all on the bad days.  So not reliable.  That bothered me so much.

Did I mention that I loved my job?  Some of my tasks were very challenging and I liked that aspect very much. I was learning, too, which was wonderful.  Some parts of the job I could do without, just like with any job I suppose.  But more than the work, I met and became close friends with so many great people.  People I still miss five years later.

Other thoughts… my kids can get so crazy and the discipline can get so intense, I can not imagine someone else taking that role – for their sake and mine.  There is an intimacy there.  For me, a responsibility.  Maybe it’s just my kids?  Intense, I tell you.

I like the idea of working part-time.  But, Josh stresses out, like… a lot, when he has to be in charge of the kids for a long period of time by himself.  Sometimes there are nights I get home from an hour and a half workout at the gym to find a grumpy husband who worked hard all day only to work more with the yayhoos at home. 

The thing is, it’s just not a good time in our lives for me to be working.  There will be a day when it makes sense.

And when I do go back to work, I hope I can get a business going from home.  That would be perfect for me. 

I would think that a person would absolutely need an understanding and flexible employer to be a working mom.  Also, an understanding husband is essential. You couldn’t really have a harmonious marriage if you stayed at home with your kids while your husband thought you were a slacker for doing so and harbored resentment.  That just wouldn’t work for long. 

Along the lines of support, I have so many friends here in town that stay-at-home with their kids and they are a fantastic support system.  We all know how each other feels and can get together from time to time to make ourselves feel a little more normal.

And can I just say, you support me too?  Having a blog and an online community of friends is monumental.  I love having this outlet, it makes me feel like not so much of a weirdo.  Although let’s face it, I am. 

I’d just like to wrap up this little pow-wow on stay-at-home moms and working moms by putting things in perspective.  My dad helped we with that last night when he commented on the original post “Working vs. Working”.  Here’s his comment, warts and all:

“when i went to special olympics this year i had in my room three special needs kids. one profoundly low functioning. one was a thrown away by his mother and the last had the dual problem of behavorial problems and mental retardation. all three were the direct result of there mothers using drugs while pregnant. crazy isn’t it. It amazes me how many throw away kids there are right here in my own small home area. if you love your kids, love every hair on their heads,and make sure they know it, it will all work out. whether you work outside the home or not”

Amen.