Let’s start back in 2005, when the stay-at-home mom chapter of my life began.
On second thought, let’s back up to 2003, when I married my dream boat. I’m not kidding, guys, Josh is my best friend. And my best friend didn’t have a job. He was still a full-time college student. Eeh, mere technicalities, we wanted to get married and that was more important than being gainfully employed.
I, on the other hand, had been working full-time for two years. I pretty much knew what I wanted my senior year of high school: I wanted to go to business school and get an associates degree. I didn’t want a bachelor’s degree. Too much school for my liking. I wanted just enough of an education to land a decent job that I could quit when it was time to have babies. Yup… aspiring to greatness even way back then. (That was a joke.) Plus, business school was next to free. Tuition was completely paid and I got a substantial discount on housing because my mom had also attended college there. I didn’t realize how great it was at the time, but I eeked out of college with about $2k in student loan debt (all housing related expenses), which I paid off promptly. Score!
I was nearly done with my associates degree when I met Josh. We were indispensable in each other’s lives within months. We had a lot (but definitely not all) of the same views on life. His mom stayed home with him and his brother when they were young (working part-time nursing hours when she could) so Josh was on-board with the whole stay-at-home gig. That was important to me.
Why was it important to me? Honestly, most of it had to do with my up-brining. My mom stayed at home with my sister, brother and me. They made it clear that it was a priority. And let me tell you, we didn’t have a lot of scratch. Cash money. I don’t know the extent of how difficult it was for them to get by on one (young) construction worker’s income. All I know was that we didn’t have a lot of extras. But I also know that Mom was always there for us. My mom was and is such a good mom. And I knew I wanted to be like her, if I’m being honest.
Back to being married to an awesome – and jobless – dude. Josh did work full-time on a temporary basis over the summers and he worked some Saturdays when he was in school, too. His last semester of school (and just prior to his last semester) three things happened: we began the process of buying our first house, we moved to an apartment in West Des Moines so I could be closer to my job until we bought that house, and I got pregnant. Instead of me having to commute an hour to and from work like I did for three years, he was the one who commuted to Ames that last semester and I loved him for it.
One important side note: we made sure to qualify for a mortgage using only one income that way I wouldn’t have to work in order to make ends meet.
Yeah, so, I was pregnant. My very first unplanned pregnancy and we were thrilled! Josh would be graduating in December and I was due in March. We were so thankful that Josh found a full-time job and started working right after he graduated. He worked at a place where he’d worked part-time and had also done temporary full-time work. But this was his first full-time, all-the-time job. Those two months in January and February were the only time in the history of us that we were both working full-time.
I have to admit it was nice having two paychecks. Really nice. In a way, I’m glad that only lasted a short while, I think it would have been more difficult to stay at home if we’d gotten used to living that way.
Because Josh’s job was so new and we still didn’t know exactly what the future would hold, I didn’t quit my job right away. I took my maternity leave (a fully paid 13 weeks… plus I drained my remaining time-off banks) and when it was time I had to go back, I officially resigned. I was so relieved. I enjoyed being a mommy right from the start and I remember being so grateful to be in the position not to have to go back to work and leave my baby with someone else.
I see myself as a somewhat simple person – not intellectually simple – but simple as far as wants and contentedness. I’m perfectly happy and fulfilled doing what I do. I can’t explain it more than that. I feel like it is my calling in life. Just like any other way of life, some days are hard. I don’t have to tell you guys that, you’ve read The Naughty Files. But overall I feel very blessed, fortunate, undeserving of this life I have. My glass isn’t just half-full, it’s overflowing.
As much as I’ve written, I have more to say. Until tomorrow…
So eloquently written and I vividly remember that time in your life. Can’t wait to hear part 2. :)
Oh yes Jessie, I remember your first pregnancy and “how good you felt”. It was rough. I remember when it took so long for you to buy your first house and how frustrated you became. Hard to believe it was five years ago. I’ll help PP out and talk from the working mom camp – even though it was 26 years ago. ouch!! Unlike PP who has three children and ungodly animal chores to do, I only had one child. Not sure I would have been able to do all of that and not fall into a heap every night after work. I had two wonderful at-home sitters before she went to preschool and the little girls who were all together 20+ years ago have now been in each other’s weddings. I can’t say there were not situations that I regretted not being at home. For example, I really felt guilty that her summers could not be about sleeping late instead of the same early morning routine she had during the school year. But she sure had fun at the daycare once she got there. I was very aware of how I needed to make quality time for her. She has told me she never resented me working and that we demonstrated good work ethic. In other words, I think my husband and I raised a lovely, well-rounded daughter and I don’t need to look back. There is little doubt in my mind that she will continue to work outside the home when she has children so she must not have felt cheated. I’m with PP, I think I was probably a better, more organized mom because of it. But I do feel that part time work could be the best of both worlds. Daycare costs today are outrageous as well, so that can weigh heavily on a decision to stay at home. Tough decision!
You and I are very similar aspirations-wise, Jess! I also always knew I wanted to stay home with babies and I really can’t imagine doing anything else. Looking forward to Part II!
(Also wanted to mention, I got nothin’ but love and respect for those that want/need to work outside the home as well♥)