If there is anyone out there who has a clue about potty training, let me hear from you. Please!
I’m at my wit’s end with Jett.
Just to give you some background information for those of you who don’t know: Jett turned 3 in April. We are currently on WEEK 7 of full-scale potty training and have seen next to nil in the progress department.
I don’t know where to go from here. Stay the course? Try something else? Send him to potty training boot camp? Go back to diapers? I can’t believe I just typed that last one. That’s the last thing I want to do!
Up until the time we started training, we hadn’t stressed potty training at all. We would have him go on the toilet occasionally, just to let him see what it was all about, but we waited for signs of readiness from him. The main thing was that he didn’t (couldn’t or wouldn’t – I’m not sure) hold his urine for longer periods of time – even an hour or two. He showed no interest in using the toilet or wanting to be a “big boy” in this respect.
With Jude I believe we made the mistake of pushing him too hard when he wasn’t ready. We’d nearly punish him (keeping him in the bathroom until he went); he’d retaliate and hold out for hours. It made for a very stressful time for all of us.
Like I mentioned, about a month after Jett turned 3, we ditched the diapers and went full-on training mode. We put him in diapers only at night. The first solid week I just let him have accident after accident after accident, letting him sit with a wet diaper, hoping that he’d be uncomfortable in the wetness of his training pants. No such luck. At this time we were giving him stickers (which he really did care about) every time he went, even if it was only a few dribbles. The thing is – he’d only go if Josh or I told him to go. He never, ever went on his own.
From the second week on, I have been much more vocal in the process – asking him every hour or so if he has to go. We’d make him try to go, even when he said he didn’t want to. For the next few weeks, we’d award stickers and told him that he’d get a marshmallow if he went poop in the pot. We didn’t have any brown scores until just a few weeks ago, and that was purely chance. We also tried using cool, new underwear as an incentive – that didn’t work either.
He has the potty training mechanics down well. He can go into the bathroom, pull his training pants down, lift up the toilet seats, go, put the lid and seat back down and flush, pull his training pants back up – all without help. Hand washing is sporadic and not as strongly encouraged by us as it should be after #1’s. After #2’s though, it’s demanded.
And then he started going into the bathroom when we’d tell him to go and stand there in front of the toilet or sink and just pee in his training pants. Passive aggressiveness?
Basically, it’s been poop and pee, poop and pee, poop and pee in training pants. It gets so frustrating cleaning up all the messes. I’m constantly doing laundry just to keep training pants clean and ready for the next go ‘round. The soiled clothes take priority over our normal laundry loads, so I’ve been very behind with laundry despite doing it all the time!
To his credit there have been three times over the last 7 weeks that he’s gone by himself. Two happened outside because he just loves peeing on our trees. And the other one was several weeks ago inside the house and in the toilet. It must have been a fluke, but I praised him so much and gave him treats.
Maybe I just need to find the incentive that’s right for him.
I’m writing this post today because he pooped in his training pants in the living room while I was in the kitchen this morning. It got all over the floor in the living room and bathroom. It was also all over his legs and feet – urgh! – it required a bath afterwards. After his bath, I started cleaning up the living room. He was still naked. He walked into the living room and peed on the floor. I saw him do it and it looked very intentional. Then he got down on his hands and knees and played in it until I grabbed him and took him to the bathroom. Why me? Why me?
For as long as we’ve been at this with very little progress, I’m just wondering if I need to give it up or do something else. You know what they say about doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result!
It makes me slightly anxious to think about him getting his tonsils out and welcoming a new baby right before preschool starts at the beginning of September. He’s supposed to be trained in order to attend. When are we going to do this if not now?
Jessie, why don’t you just give it up? Go back to diapers, don’t even mention it to him. Wouldn’t it be easier to use diapers than have to constantly wash clothes? He might even notice that nothing is being said about the potty which might whet his interest .
But don’t fake it, just give it up for awhile. That’s too much stress for you and maybe too much for him.
Trust me, it will all happen eventually.
I just had another thought, wonder what would happen if he wore no pants at all? No no, forget that I said that!!!
Oh, you have so much on your plate right now….so much going on in the upcoming weeks. Be kind to yourself and give yourself a break. I would just put him in Pull-Ups…a step down from underwear, but not exactly the same as diapers. I wish I could be more helpful.
From someone who doesn’t know the first thing about potty training-
Why don’t you combine the two things he loves most? Stickers and the United States? Start off with a blank picture of the United States and every time he has success in the bathroom reward him with a sticker of a state. By the time he has the whole United States filled, maybe you’ll develop a routine?? I don’t know, maybe you want to start out with sticker counties :)
Oh Jessie,
I feel for you – really I do! Being pregnant and having to clean up those messes just can’t be good. I’m with most of the other people in saying give up on it – at least for now. And this might sound really crazy, but I might even push it a step further and do a little reverse psychology – Tell him that for now he isn’t ALLOWED to use his big boy pants or the potty – Tell him that he’s not ready and so for now you’re just going back to diapers and he should go potty in them. And I just wouldn’t make a big deal about it at all- just change his diapers (would definately go with pull-ups) and see what happens. Might not work, but at least point, after 7 weeks! I’d give up on what you’ve been doing. One good thing – I think when he gets it in his mind that he WANTS to be trained, I don’t think it will take any time at all. We’ve had kids in our preschool that weren’t trained a week before it started and all it took was a “well, I guess you’re not going to go” from mom and they trained themselves in just a couple of days. This too will pass Jessie!!! Hang in there!!
It took Judah almost a full year to be interested. Nuff said.
Not sure if he would do this, but we put rubber pants (like for cloth diapers) over our son’s underwear while he was potty training. Helped a little with the messes.