AEA meeting

I could write about a lot of things today, but I wanted to make sure to update you about the AEA meeting we attended last week.  Also, this could get lengthy, so either buckle-up or I’ll see you tomorrow!  Really, I shared some of the tips from the meeting with a couple of moms, and they seemed to think there were things they could try in their own home, so I’ll write about everything, just in case it’s valuable to someone else out there.

Josh and I met with the preschool director, a preschool teacher, and three representatives from the Heartland AEA (Area Education Agency).  The three AEA associates had all observed Jude in the classroom at different times prior to our meeting.

Right off the bat, the AEA said they did not recommend any intervention plans for Jude.  Um, ok… if I would have known that was a possibility prior to the meeting, I might not have even shown up!  I guess maybe the word intervention carries much more weight in my mind than what they would have intended for a three year old.  I would hope they wouldn’t ship him off to a 90-day treatment facility in sunny Florida only to transition to a sober living facility for an undetermined amount of time.  Anyone watch Intervention on A&E?  Anyone… anyone?  Ok, never mind.

Back to the meeting.

One of the AEA reps – whose focus was speech – said she didn’t have any concerns about his pronunciation of words or vocabulary, which we didn’t think would be an issue, but she did say she observed that he didn’t communicate much with his peers.  All 3 of the AEA reps chimed in that they noticed he sought out the adults in the classroom much more than talking with his peers.  And they took that a step further to say that he doesn’t particularly enjoy being in larger groups of kids.  During free time, the kids can choose any number of stations (i.e. puzzles, blocks, kitchen play area, writing/coloring) and everyone agreed that he’d rather play by himself or with one other play mate (namely a sweet little girl named Alexis… hubba hubba) rather than in a larger group.  In fact, Jude will frequently move to different stations if too many kids show up.  But even this trait of Jude’s has improved since beginning preschool.  He’ll now tolerate being next to a larger group of kids, but he’ll be doing his own thing and “parallel play” next to them.  But if you ask me, receding from large groups is something that just screams JOSH! to me.

From there on out, the meeting became a very valuable dialog between us and them about things we could try to help Jude communicate and ideas to more effectively discipline him.  Spoiler alert: they didn’t recommend spanking, but they also didn’t tell us we shouldn’t.

They did maintain that he often doesn’t follow instruction the first time.  He’ll wait to see if they’re serious about it, and then comply once he’s sure something is required of him.  That’s the story of my life.  I often have to repeat myself.  They had some good reward-type ideas for when he does listen the first time to encourage that behavior.   They also suggested letting him determine his own reward because sometimes kids get a kick out of the littlest things, like driving on a different route to preschool or getting to help do things around the house.  In other words, things that I may not consider a reward might mean the world to Jude.

For encouraging communication with me (sometimes I anticipate his wants and needs so much that he doesn’t have to express what he wants) and in turn his peers, they said a Mr. Potato Head toy is great practice.  They suggested that it be a toy only for one-on-one time with me, not out with the other toys so he can’t play with it whenever he wants.  For example, he would have the body and I would have all the parts, and he’d have to communicate with me which parts he’d like.  And vice versa.  Another friend suggested trying the card game Go Fish, which would also force him to communicate (thanks Amanda!).

The AEA reps also brought along a VHS tape called 123 Magic about disciplining.  And as soon as we can find a VHS player or hook up an old one we have to see if it works – we’ll watch it!  The gist is to issue three warnings, and after the 3rd you “take five” or a one-minute (or whatever is appropriate for your child) time out.  I guess there are some other valuable tips for parenting in the video, but that’s all I know about it.  We have been trying the warning thing, and it seems like we’re arguing less and I’m less emotional (code word for angry and yelling).  That was pretty simple.

I brought up my concern for the biting and hitting that has gone on in this house and they really didn’t recommend anything more than a time out, which I don’t really agree with, honestly.  I feel that there are some things – like intentionally harming someone – that should have stronger consequences.  But anyway, they did have a great tip for handling biting/hitting situations.  For example, if Jude bites Jett, pay ALL attention to Jett.  “Poor, Jett!  Are you ok, honey?  Let me give you a hug and a kiss!  My goodness, you might need a popsicle for that bite!  Or maybe you can watch a tv show with Mommy and Daddy after Jude goes to bed!”  Get it?  Don’t give the aggressor the attention (even if it’s negative attention) that the “victim” should get.  I’ve got to say, I thought that was brilliant.  This weekend we had a situation between the boys – Jude hit Jett – and Josh really played it up with Jett.  I heard Jude actually say “No!  Get away from him!”  Nice to have that weapon in our arsenal.

Overall, the meeting was extremely positive.  I was delighted that the teachers and even AEA reps picked up on some of Jude’s strengths as well as areas in which he needs improvement.  For example, they all noticed how mechanically minded he is.  I think I knew that to some degree, but I’m a little ashamed that I haven’t picked up on it as much as I should have.  For example, just the day after the meeting, there were 2 or 3 instances where I thought Jude was trying to get into trouble, when he was actually just trying to figure out how something worked.  We went to Kohl’s with my mom on Friday and Jude was laid out, tummy on the floor right by the anti-theft sensors trying to poke buttons and figure out what it did.  At home, he was fiddling with my dish washer to see how the cap screwed into the Jet Dry dispenser.  At the grocery store, he again was belly down on the floor with his miniature cart studying how the wheels were turning.  So, times I just thought he was trying to annoy me – he was actually interested in the mechanical workings of the everyday stuff around him.  I’m not saying he shouldn’t listen to me when I tell him to get off the dang floor already!, but I can understand more what’s intriguing to him and encourage him when appropriate.  Which by the way…

Another excellent suggestion was to get old, small appliances (like a radio or clock) from thrift stores or garage sales and let Jude take them apart in a supervised, controlled manner.  For example, for a reward or alone time, let him take apart gadgets (cutting off the electrical cord first so as to remove the temptation for plugging it in and getting hurt).  Are you kidding me?  He’d love that!  Josh attempted it last weekend with the busted satellite receiver mentioned in a previous post, but little brother was getting in the way, and after all the screws were off, there wasn’t much to look at other than the circuit board, which may be just a tad too advanced for him now.

Another of Jude’s g

reat passions: puzzles, puzzles and even more puzzles.  I’m amazed at the quiet time I can get out of him with a puzzle!  And Jett’s getting to be the same caliber of puzzle freak that Jude is.

One last take-away we had from the meeting was the overwhelming blessed feeling we had.  One, that he’s in the preschool program that he is in right now, the AEA could not praise the preschool enough (and we almost didn’t enroll him)!  Two, Mrs. Smith (one of the teachers) and her LOVE – she stressed this many times – for Jude.  She’s such a neat lady with patience galore and an uncanny understanding of Jude (she told us that Jude reminds her of her oldest son, who wasn’t always the easiest kid to raise!).  Three, the outstanding resources we have in the preschool director/teachers and the AEA.  There are kind people who are kid experts out there for help if we want it!  That’s a great feeling.